If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
