Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
