I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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