did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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