I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
