8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
