so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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