ADVERTISEMENT

• (970): View more from Colorado

  We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock

  Fav 52 837 2479

  share tweet
  

• (773): View more from Illinois

  I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.

  Fav 63 3318 6536

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (602): View more from Arizona

  my dad is going to jail this weekend

  (1-602): View more from Arizona

  where are we going to get our weed from?

  Fav 22 2545 6839

  share tweet
  

• (716): View more from New York

  the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..

  Fav 14 10231 1429

  share tweet
  

• (224): View more from Illinois

  You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Thats like the definition of a good friend

  Fav 4 5352 1274

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.

  Fav 4 3421 1118

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?

  Fav 7 1729 1165

  share tweet
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.

  Fav 4 1050 657

  share tweet
  

• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake

  Fav 0 678 479

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  It's like fucking tetris in this bed

  Fav 1 577 399

  share tweet
  

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.

  Fav 0 518 349

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (512): View more from Texas

  The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen

  Fav 2 369 509

  share tweet
  

• (503): View more from Oregon

  HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!

  Fav 4 12 66

  share tweet
  

• (518): View more from New York

  Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.

  Fav 0 15 74

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.

  Fav 0 28 45

  share tweet
  

Randomize