another moral hangover. fuck.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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