I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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