You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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