I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
