i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
