does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
