maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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