Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
