for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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