so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
