my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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