I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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