you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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