things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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