She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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