i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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