I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
