I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
