Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
