omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
