I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Say something about gay babies.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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