Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
