Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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