i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
