So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
