Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
