i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it's like heaven, but drunker
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
