You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
