i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
