were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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