She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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