Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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