hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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