watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
