so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Randomize
