Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
