Soap is not a condiment
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
