I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
