As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
