my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
