Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
