omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
