Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
